I like to look at faces of people. When I am out and about, I enjoy looking at faces, especially the eyes and mouths. I like to see if they look friendly, troubled, grouchy, etc.
Lately, I have been noticing something rather interesting. When I go out in public with Christopher, he gets noticed.....a lot. I can tell by the faces of others how they percieve people with disabilities, and more specifically, my son.
Some of the faces show that the person does not see the disability, only the amazingly cute little boy with blond hair and blue eyes. Some of the faces show they are repulsed by his features, or, perhaps it is just the fact that he is who he is, that repulses them. Some faces show pity, for him, for me.
Some of the faces are able to quickly cover the initial reaction to seeing the little boy with Down Syndrome. Usually, this is by fixing an artificial smile, where the scowl had been.
I have been taking mental notes on the ages of the people and their reactions to my son. Even noting the gender of the onlookers. What I may say next may surprise some people.
I have noticed that young men, in their late teens and early twenty's seem to be the most accepting of my son. They frequently smile at him and more often than not, interact with him in some way. They do not seem to notice the characteristic facial features, or seem to care. Christopher initiates interaction and they respond in a positive way.
The next age/gender group that stands out to me are the women who are in their 30s and 40s. They look at Christopher with sadness, and then look at me with pity in their eyes. I meet their gaze openly with a smile and "hello". I hope in our brief encounter I have given them a glimpse of reality, that I do not desire or need their pity because my child has an extra chromosome. They have looked into Christopher's smiling face, and then into my smiling face, hopefully, they understand our unspoken communication.
The next age and gender group is the tough one. This group consists of older men, age 60 and above. Many of these men will look at my son with repulsion. Some with contempt. Some will then lift their eyes to mine, and I give them a smile and greeting. Many will avoid eye contact with me, like they somehow think they know a secret about my son and don't want to reveal it. Or maybe they are are repulsed by the fact that not only do I dare keep my son, but I also take him on outings, with the rest my children.
I have to remind myself that it was during the lifetime of this last age group that people began keeping their children with disabilities at home. Prior to this, the so-called experts convinced parents that their children with Ds were too much work, had no potential for a productive life, took too much out of the parents and away from the other children in the family, they just were not worth the effort. So, they placed them in institutions to be "cared" for by professionals and paid attendants. Thes children lived up, or down, to their expectations. They did not learn, they were never able to lead productive lives, and they even had a shortened life span. Is it any wonder that many of the people in this age group still carry the misconception that people with Ds have no hope for learning and life? that they will be adults sitting in their own filth, unable to even go to the toilet?
How do we overcome the mindset of these older people? People with Ds have been demonstrating for decades that they can and do learn, they can find meaningful jobs, they can have friendships, and they can be independent, productive people. Yet, the mindset continues. Do we just wait, and bide our time until there is no one alive that remembers the evil days of institutionalizing children just because they have an extra chromasome? Do we try to educate these people when we have an opportunity? Do we expose our children to them and their close-mindedness, in hopes that they will be won over by the freindliness and unconditional love for which our children are well known?
I don't have the answers to those questions. But I plan to continue taking my son out and about, and letting him smile and interact with others. I plan to continue living my life and enjoying it. Perhaps people observing us will have a heart change, if not, well....I plan to continue living my life and enjoying it!
****Please note, I do not consider all people of certain ages/gender to be a certain way. I was generalizing. I have encountered some young men who have been not so pleasant, and some older men that have enjoyed talking to my son and me. I only wish to share my observations.
****Older men can have a change of heart. My very own father was close-minded regarding people with disabilities, until his grandson won him over!
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